Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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