well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
