Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
