it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize