Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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