My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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