the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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