u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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