thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
