tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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