i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
