"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
