My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
