i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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