Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
