I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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