Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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