Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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