So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
