hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
