So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
