I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
