One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
