Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
