you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
