8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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