Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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