I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
