Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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