she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
