So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think people are normalizing furries
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
