I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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