Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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