chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize