Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
