In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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