So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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