..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
