if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
