I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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