Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
