JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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