You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
