Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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