I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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