maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
