turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
not ubering you a puppy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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