I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
