I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
