i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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